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LJ Idol Season 10- Week 5 - Home Game - "Fear is the heart of love" - We have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

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January 14th, 2017

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01:22 am - LJ Idol Season 10- Week 5 - Home Game - "Fear is the heart of love"
"Fear is the heart of love"

I put my life into someones hands by giving them my physical body.

Reality hit that it was actually going to happen when I watched him wipe the sweat off his forehead with a black bandana. I walked over to him excited but with slight hesitance as I looked into his dominating blue eyes. We already had an understanding which was safe and certainly sane compared to what was going on all around us. He was the leader of the pack, the reason why we all showed up and I was shocked that he chose me. I was very nervous, I even considered turning around, running down 7 flights of stairs in my costume. He didn't doubt be, instead he looked me right in the eyes and I just melted. "Screw the roses" I thought, I would like to do whatever he liked so I consented with no desire to turn back.

People started to notice he felt like putting on a show. They surrounded us as he started to hit me.

During the first hit my initial fears started to shatter. I wondered who I was and why I decided to be there.

During the second hit I felt exposed. My insecurities were on display as they stopped and watched. I was being accepted even though my worst was the center of attention. My imperfections were admired and my strength to set them free only bonded me further into my chosen family. Although I was no longer free I felt warmth and relaxation like I was above clouds.

During the third hit I felt safe. I liked being away from myself. He saw me cry but he loved my tears as I became faithful. My body got used to the pain, and I was a lucky girl to be able to switch the pain and pleasure receptors in my brain.

At this point a woman came to rescue me in case if I needed it. She put her hands softly on my hand and asked if I wanted to be taken to rest. I looked at her and smiled, she was like an angel to me. But I still looked at him with more reverence as he continuously beat me. This submission brought me into a peaceful light, he was my God, the only higher power I needed. Each hit made me feel closer and closer to him, until not only did he own my being, but he owned my heart.

I couldn't say a word. I felt excruciating pain. I wanted to win this fight, even though the true fight was only against myself.

But my body was bound and my mouth was covered. Tears rolled down my check. There was nothing I could do about but submit to him, and love him until we completed.

My body was redder, but my insides were so much stronger. I wonder why he disappeared.

(Where I end and you begin)

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