One of my big fears is getting paralyzed.
I think it all started when myspace was big. I had (well, I still have) my default picture set as myself laying across my bed. You can only see my head and chest and I am laying down awkwardly. I guess someone in the wheelchair community on facebook came across me and assumed I was paralyzed. I ended up being intrigued with her. I added her back and we started chatting all the time through messenger and emails. She got into a car accident which injured her spine and she became paralyzed from the waist down.
Even though I felt bad, at the same time I was fascinated. I wanted to know everything. How she felt, how she went through her daily routine, how she had sex, etc.
I think we became rather close and made plans to meet, but of course that didn't happen.
But still in the meantime I lurked through paralyzing/wheelchair communities, members profiles etc. I even remembering following one girl who was paralyzed from waist down but making every effort to walk again. Her progress was amazing.
I remember there was one post that would help teach un-handicapped friends what it felt like to be paralyzed:
The Finger Trick:
-Take your hand (either one) and place palm side down on a table or any hard surface
-Bend your middle finger beneath your hand.
-With your fingers spread out try raising your pinky. You can do it without a problem.
-Now try raising you index finger. You can do it without a problem.
-Now try raising your ring finger. You can’t. No matter how hard you try, you are unable to pick it up.
It turns out this occurs because the reason your ring finger is unable to move while the middle finger is in that position is because the tendons are connected.I remember doing this and totally emphasizing what it felt like to not be able to move my legs. I was pretty obsessed.
All of the sudden out of the blue, I received daily friends requests from people who were paralyzed. Literally, no joke, I got several requests daily. I even got an email from a guy who said his girlfriend just lost use of her legs and he was hoping to befriend me to know what I felt like.
I don't know how this started, maybe people had trackers on their profiles and saw me looking. It is the only logical explanation I could think of. After this went on for months it started freaking me out. I changed my profile picture to myself standing up. Immediately the requests stopped.
Eventually facebook took over and everything stopped.
But I am still in total fear that I will wake up and my legs wont move. In fact, whenever I notice that I have been staying still for a long time I check my legs to make sure if I can move them. If I can feel my fingers run over them. Even though all my checks pass, I am still skeptical, and will constantly check.
Even when I wake up from a nap. I am starting to become un-logical
Does anyone else have a fear like that?