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January 1st, 2010
08:25 pm - :)
Friends only.
Comment to be added.
Disclaimer: I am halfway interesting. I am however, opinionated, picky, and will not sugarcoat anything here. If you can’t take it then leave. If you kiss my ass are a halfway decent person with a good head on your shoulders, we will get along just fine. If you do have something offensive to say, please use proper syntax, form, and grammar so I can at least understand what the fuck you're saying before I dismiss it.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://boxsofrain11.icons.ljtoys.org.uk/mi/dot.gif) content
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May 27th, 2009
06:49 pm - New member!
So I went to Craigslist, and I came back with....
( Read more... )
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: New Order - All Day Long
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May 13th, 2009
06:56 pm - Guitar
For those of you who asked:
Current Mood: groggy
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April 23rd, 2009
12:24 am - My last post about Billy Corgan ever.
NEWSFLASH.
I am OFFICIALLY over Billy Corgan. His frolicking with Courtney Love started it, his sex sessions with Tila Tequilla strengthened it, but after watching this video?
It is motherfucking OVER.
Billy Corgan, I might have loved it when you would sing Zero, but now you have nothing but a divide-by-zero look on your face. To me you have become a preposterous, chromosome deficient object of execration.
/Billy Corgan
Current Mood: refreshed
Current Music: Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You
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April 9th, 2009
03:23 pm - brb
BRB, in a few days. Or as my man Desmond would say, "See you in another life, brother". :)
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March 29th, 2009
08:30 pm - LJ Idol Week 27 - Step One - The Redo - Cracked Up
It was quite difficult to walk, especially with so many eyes on me.
Something that came so naturally, something I have been doing since I was only a toddler can be forgotten instantaneously.
In my attempt, I would raise up one leg, bend my knee, and stumble as I put it down. My name was already called so even though I felt exposed, I had to keep walking to the balance beam - shocked that I didn’t fall over on the way.
My eyes looked at the crowd. Sitting there were so many people who had different meanings to me. In one area there were there was a group of girls who were always cruel to me but was there to support my teammates, on one end was my ex-boyfriend with his friends- probably there to watch the other girls in leotards, my crush at the time - hopefully there to see me, my parents, and friends.
Inside of us, there are so many different organs. All of these broken feelings may start in the brain, but when they get intense enough, the body physically feels the effects all over.
Heartbreak pumped from my heart; fear provided an uncomfortable sensation of warmth under my neck; anxiety tied a knot below my chest; weakness was dancing around in my legs.
Once the judges were ready for me one of them would salute me, by raising their hand in the air. Then when I am ready to mount onto the beam, I salute them back.
During the next eighty four seconds performing on an area only four inches wide and four feet in the air, I had to stay glued together.
Any minor error I made would be recorded and penalized by the judges. If I wore nail polish, adjusted my leotard, forget to point my toes, or even scratched an itch discretely, it would get noted. It was time to ignore my broken body and be strong.
Any major error would cause my bones to break, my skull to crack, my nose to bleed; therefore I would look on the outside the same way I did on the inside.
I pretended the balance beam was one long magnet. There were also magnets in my hands and feet, light enough so I could jump high into the air, yet strong enough so my body would stick back to the beam every time it left it.
I hopped on the vault, grabbed the beam with my hands, and held myself up in a handstand for a few seconds, spread my legs so I looked like the letter "T", and slowly brought them down in position so I was doing a center split across the beam. I put one hand in the air to pose, raised my back high, then winked at the judges.
They smiled, and wrote something down, they loved when the girls winked. When they acted like they weren’t in pain.
After standing up gracefully, I performed a series of acrobatic moves, turns, leaps, and dances, then worked my way to one end of the beam. I closed my eyes and focused.
I did two back handsprings, letting my hands glue to the softness of the light brown suede in between each one, turned, and did a front tuck to dismount. I bent my knee’s as my feet hit the floor, turned and did my ending salute.
There was my prompt to turn my body back to who I really was, a shattered girl hidden underneath pale skin.
* * * *
One can crack into software- illegally modifying it to remove protection methods.
People crack eggs every morning, watching the contents splatter on their pan, frying and making cackling sounds in their kitchen.
Some snort crack, inhaling the powder through their nose, and allow it to be absorbed into the bloodstream through the nasal tissues, making them feel euphoria, and in obtaining extreme confidence.
Even a diamond, which is the hardest naturally occurring material known due to the strong covalent bonds can crack, and possibly shatter relatively easily from impact of a hammer.
One’s health can break so easily by something that can‘t even be seen by the naked eye. A virus, an organism just 20 to 400 nanometers in diameter can move onto one microscopic humans cell, thus destroying the body.
So many things can crack so easily, so why can't I say that my brain is broken?
* * * *
I long for those eighty four seconds to return, since I felt obligated for all my body parts to be put together as one. The time when people would watch me in awe, as I turned into an exquisite magnet; causing balance, movement, and just downright existing to look so simple.
I may appear collected, but inside I am so delicate.
I fake confidence now just so I can walk properly. I look graceful as I can even though inside I hesitate. I smile big, and let it light up a room.
Everyday I drive my truck across a bridge, with the window open allowing the wind to blow my long blonde hair in many directions. I look at the beautiful body of the Hudson River, and day dream about making a sharp turn to the right, driving right into it.
When I would be found I know I would do good - my license indicates that I am an organ donor. However, I am concerned about the people who would get my parts.
My organs function from a brain that lacks the necessary hormones to keep myself happy.
I worry about who will wear my corneas, which helped me see what no woman should see.
I worry about the person who would receive my liver, which must be frail from all of those years of fostering the burdensome knot of anxiety that lays on top of it.
Most of all, I worry about the unlucky soul who will obtain the pieces left of my dissipating heart.
Current Mood: cold
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March 3rd, 2009
08:47 pm - This voice post is for my buddy ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) gratefuladdict
Edit: FUCK. I am eating some Ben and Jerrys that was in my freezer. However upon closer inspection of the carton, I realized it is not the low-fat version. FUCK FUCK THE FAT ICE CREAM.
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February 10th, 2009
10:45 pm - LJ Idol Week 20 - Love Means Never Having to Say
I was hidden in a wooden box.
I crouched down in its corner to make myself as small as possible. I attempted to remain quiet, but at the moment it didn't really matter. He couldn't hear me over sounds that reminded me of the fireworks from last summer; that beautiful night where we laid on terry cloth blankets and watched the explosions in the sky.
Where are you hiding?
My elbows throbbed from the splinters, my eyes stung with tears. My knees were scraped and I had watched a stream of my blood tremble over the softwood lumber.
I wanted to jump out and scream, cry, stomp my feet; anything to have released my frustration. But I couldn't which angered me so much more. I had to stay invisible in the box, hoping he wouldn't know I was inside. I desperately tried to keep calm, to block out the reality that this might be the last position I was to lay in for the rest of my life.
The gun was coming, I heard it loud and clear.
Are you ready to die?
That was it, he found out, and I was at the end. At that point I knew I was never going to be able to wear his ring around my finger; I was never never going to feel his baby grow in my womb; I was never going to smell the sweet spearmint on his breath when he would lean in to kiss me.
I tried to focus on the fresh, sweet, balsamic aroma of the wood, but the smell of war was too overpowering. That is when we made eye contact, for our last time.
Do you believe in God?
Well, I had a question for him too. Did he want to know how deeply my soul can go? My soul goes deeper than my skin, my bones, and my tangible heart.
Our bodies are only molecules of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. Similar elements to the box of wood I was hidden in, made up of many rings of carbon and polymers of a sugar. We are nothing but chemicals. My body, his body, even the bullet; all except for my love for him.
I accepted that bullet would burst through my body.
I would let it break down the cells in my skin. Let my blood seep all over the box. That bullet took my body, but it didn't take away what wasn't tangible, my undying love for him.
He couldn't make me disappear completely. Only my physical aspects could change. I became the oxygen he now breathes; I became the excited molecules that still surround him to keep him warm; I became the wind that gives him a hug every morning on the way to his car.
The type of love I give requires no words.
Current Mood: groggy
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November 10th, 2008
05:58 pm - LJ Idol: Week 8 - Sit Down and Shut Up - Ranting LJ style
The Types of People Who Annoy Me
1. I really hate it when people use a fake disclaimer before they make an ignorant statement. Such as "I am not racist, but these three mean black guys were just here", or "Not like I have anything against gay people, but that guy is flaming". Why make that statement if you actually are not racist or homophobic? Why does one have to point out that persons race or sexual orientation? They may as well just say:
"I am not racist or anything but I hate kikes, spics, homos, dykes, blacks, liberals, and your mom". Because that would mean the same thing to me.
Or my favorite "I am not a racist, I have a black neighbor for heavens sake". Guess what, you are a bigot and we have a black president now, a sexy one indeed. Go move to Canada.
2. Girls who are guilty of using the new attention-whore myspace pose. I am not talking about girls who make their default pictures a high contrast photo of them puckering their lips while wearing big sunglasses. Come on, that is so 2007. It seems like the new hot trend is for girls to get together with their friends, one bends over, and the other grinds against their butt. Honestly, their ineffective imitation of being sexy only serves to illuminate their lack of substance and decency. What is even funnier is when they post blogs wondering why men don't respect them, or don't call the next day. That is what happens when you have more crabs then Red Lobster.
3.Those who use the mobile chair at Walmart who don't need it. They use it because they are too lazy to shop and walk on their own. Why burn a calorie while contemplating if you will be purchasing a dozen boxes of Golden Oreo's or the Double Stuffed, when you can rent a cart to do the walking for you? I used to just laugh at how lazy they were, and move on. However one day at Walmart, I got hit by a woefully grotesque idiot in the mobile chair. She reversed it right into me. The best part was that she did not apologize. In fact, she gave me a dirty look for being in her way. In fairness, it does give a warning beep when they back up, but some of us have tinnitus and only hear beeping all day. Go do me a favor and bathe your putrid carcass in industrial strength bleach.
4. People who are constantly nagging me when I am going to get married. First of all it is rude, but why even assume that I want to get married? I would love to respond to the nosy inquiring people that I enjoy sleeping around, and why would I want to take my hard earned savings and give another person the rights to obtain 50% of it. The looks on their obnoxious faces would probably be very similar to my gynecologist's when I told her that me and my boyfriend prefer not to use protection, and I will need a shoebox filled with the morning after pill just in case (kidding). For real, I do want to get married. Especially so I can look forward to everyone asking me when I am going to have babies.
5. Those who accuse "The Other Woman" as being a home-wrecker without recognizing that the husband is wrong as well. If I hear one more person accuse Angelina Jolie of being a home-wrecker while acting like Brad Pitt is totally innocent, I am going to take my computer printer which has not stopped jamming for the past two weeks and throw it at them. First of all, the married man took a vow to his wife. Unless the other women put a gun to the husbands head and says that she will shoot unless he gets an erection and to insert immediately, he is just as guilty.
6. The committee who made the determination that Pluto is no longer a planet. They are all a bunch of assholes. Last time I checked, Pluto sure looks like celestial body that has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium shape. It orbits around the sun, and has its own moon's orbiting it. It was always my favorite planet. Like Earth, Pluto and one of its moons, Charon are locked together so that they always face each other. It also has an atmosphere, while our own moon doesn't. That is so badass. I don't care if a bunch of cranky PhD's think that it is a big ice-chip that hasn't "cleared the neighborhood" of its orbit.
If you posses any of these qualities, then not only am I annoyed, but my dachshund Sherlock:
For my VI friends, the picture is my dog holding a sign that says "Does Not Approve"
Current Mood: happy
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October 27th, 2008
09:12 pm - LJ Idol: Week 6- Ghosts
When people experience their first love, many think it will be their one and only.
I did when I started college. So did my friend Steve*, who at the time was so happy that he found a girl he loved, until she found her way into another man's arms.
He reached out to me one night to vent. We ate a "cup o' noodles", drank some hot chocolate warmed from a hot plate. We walked into the chilly night, bundled up in warm sweatshirts, scarfs, and hats. We made a mountain of leaves to lay in and watched the night sky to make pictures out of the stars. We ended up looking diligently for a constellation named Pegasus, shaped as the legendary but mortal warrior horse. Upon the death of Pegasus, Zeus honored him with a constellation for his dedication.
As we giggled during our search, I felt myself secretly crushing on him, and believed it was mutual.
 In order to find Pegasus in the sky, you have to search hard. It is quite difficult to see the figure as a horse because the constellation is actually upside down. Once we actually found it, our arms brushed and I felt a spark in my body. We were thrilled and decided that finding Pegasus symbolized getting though pain. Because it takes time and work to pinpoint it, but with the right effort and patience, one can grasp it.
Soon my boyfriend at the time broke up with me. I was devastated and went into hibernation for days in my dorm room. After awhile, Steve was fed up seeing me in pain, and whispered to me during class that is was time to find Pegasus again. He would pick me up later on.
That night in my dorm I heard two slow knocks. When I opened the door it felt like a heat wave hit my room, but it was not the temperature that was rising. I saw him standing there, and months of innocent sparks ignited up my leg and trailed down to my fingertips.
Not a word was said. The only noise heard was when he picked me up, and slammed me against the wall. Our built up tension started to release as our lips met. We kissed passionately and it seemed like only minutes, but must have lasted for an hour. Every thrust he pushed inside me made me see more and more stars. One of the few times I stars in random patterns. Later on we found Pegasus again, and I finally found some peace.
One day Steve was no longer around. He suddenly dropped out of school. We never even got each other's number. I even don't remember his last name. Rumor has it that he eventually went off to Iraq. Is he even alive today? I don't know. What I do know is that I will never see Steve again. I missed him, and will always wonder where he went.
Whenever I feel like I need to get through a rough time, I sit outside in the chilly night and look for Pegasus.
Love can appear in many forms. As I stare up above and search, I always feel the spirit of Steve hug me tight.
*Name has been changed.
Current Mood: contemplative
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October 14th, 2008
07:29 pm - There is a full moon tonight.
People ask me why I love to stare at the night sky so much.
Lay down on the cool grass and look up above. In the sky there is beautiful cluster of seven stars that shine bright and look like a measuring cup. It is part of the Ursa Major, known to most as the Big Dipper.
Now look on the handle of the cup, right where your thumb would sit if you were holding it. Under close observation, you will see that two stars are paired together, and their names are Mizar and Alcor.
In reality these two stars are over 300 light years away. But from our point of view they stand together, and wont let go.
Call up someone you miss and tell them to do the same. Even if you are thousands of miles away, feel the comfort that during the exact same moment you are staring at exact same thing. It will make you feel closer, just like Mizar and Alcor.
Current Mood: mellow
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September 15th, 2008
01:55 pm - LJ Idol
This post is to hearby announce that I will be removing my LJ Idol purity ring. Season 5, my idol virginity is yours. Just promise you will call me the next day.
Wish me luck!
Current Mood: excited
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July 18th, 2008
10:17 pm - Fidelity
I got lost in the sounds I hear in my mind
All these voices I hear in my mind
All these words I hear in mind
All this music, and it breaks my heart...
Suppose I kept on singing love songs, just to break my own fall.
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Regina Spektor - Fidelity
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February 23rd, 2008
10:35 am - Ugh.
WHAT THE FUCK
Ashlee Sandler of Harriman struggles to get her shopping cart through the deep snow on the way to her vehicle in the parking lot at Wal-Mart in Monroe. 2-21-08. The plows could not keep up with the rapidly falling snow.
Times Herald-Record/DOMINICK FIO
http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080223/NEWS/802230318
Current Mood: groggy
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May 11th, 2007
06:46 pm - DOCTORS TIME!
OMG I AM A DOCTOR.
Comment w/ all your medical problems and I will give you advice 4 free!!@2
Post anonymously if you don't want anyone to know who you are. lolz Tell me secrets, trust me im at docotr@!@
Read set GOOOOOOOOOO
IF YOU WANT TO ANSWER PEOPLES QUESTIONS PLEASE POST YOUR CREDENTIALS!!! TOO MANY FAKES
This post is for entertainment purposes only. I am not really a doctor. If you have a real medical question please don't post here.
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